Book Review Polysecure

"Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Non-monogamy" by Jessica Fern is a detailed and heartfelt exploration of the complex dynamics at the intersection of attachment theory, trauma, and polyamory. Through her expertise in psychology and her own experiences as a polyamorous individual, Fern delivers an insightful and compassionate guide that sheds light on the challenges and joys that go hand in hand with consensually non-monogamous relationships.

In the first section of the book, Fern introduces attachment theory and discusses its relevance to polyamorous relationships while calling out several caveats of attachment theory for the reader to consider. I appreciated her acknowledgement that attachment theory was not developed with consensually non-monogamous folks in mind as well as the fact that attachment is dynamic and may look different throughout our lives. She expanded on the definitions of the various attachment styles with applications to non-monogamous contexts.

Moving forward, Fern delves into the profound connection between trauma and attachment as it relates to consensual non-monogamy. She examines how past traumas can manifest in our relationships and impact our ability to engage in healthy polyamory using her nested model of attachment and trauma. This model is able to address the trauma resulting from interpersonal relationships while also considering the trauma that results from systemic oppression, harmful societal norms, and stressors that unfold at a global level. By offering practical strategies for healing and self-awareness, Fern empowers readers to identify and address unresolved trauma in order to create a more secure emotional foundation for their relationships, polyamorous or otherwise.

Once the reader has a solid understanding of attachment and the nested model of attachment and trauma, Fern expertly guides readers through the complexities of practicing consensual non-monogamy with an attachment lens. She addresses common challenges like jealousy, communication breakdowns, and boundary issues, providing invaluable tools to foster open and honest dialogue with partners. She also provides reflection on how attachment can be affected at levels beyond interpersonal relationships - attachment ruptures can occur at a community, society, and global level as well.

Polysecure is a systemic approach to polyamory that recognizes that relationships are not isolated from individual experiences. In the final chapters, Fern emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, personal boundaries, and self-care while engaging in polyamory. This section rings true for any relationship. Taking the time to understand yourself and your needs is vital to being able to engage with those that you love fully and authentically.

I would highly recommend "Polysecure" to anyone exploring or practicing consensual non-monogamy. Jessica Fern marries attachment theory with her rich experience in practicing and working with consensual non-monogamy to give the reader practical tools for insight and growth within their relationship. This was a great read. I am looking forward to the release of her next book, "Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships", at the end of this summer!